Anniversary Weekend... yay! :)

Wedding day bliss

 

YAY! I am so excited... not only is it a long weekend it is also my Anniversary weekend. I am so excited. The greatest thing about getting married on a holiday weekend, besides getting married, is having a mini vacation for my anniversary EVERY year. We were going to go away like we always do, but our favorite places are getting hit by hurricane Isaac, so we will be staying in the Augusta. Tonight we are going to my favorite local restaurant Frog Hollow. I LOVE that place. It should be pretty easy to get in a good meal and no over do. Another weigh in tomorrow. So let's raise a glass to another year past and many years ahead of us! I am going to enjoy my husband and I will update you after the weigh in.

Down Falls and Pit Stops...

You see that picture?! You see those delicious fries?! Those things are the biggest struggle I have with eating clean. I crave fries all the time and every time I am around them...what do I do?! I eat them. WHY OH WHY is this so dang hard? I realized last night when I was leaving Chick Fil A, three things, 1) fries are on my hit list. Those things have GOT to go. 2) I was not prepared and when you are not prepared you fail. 3) When pulling out of the parking lot I could not even remember what they tasted like. Sounds like a waste to me. I have been pretty lax and I need to tighten up if I want my body to tighten up. I waste too much time "thoughtlessly" eating.  I have not been going crazy or anything but last night at dinner was a prime example. I ate those dang fries with no remorse...until after they were gone. I need to quit being a grazer...grazing is for cows...and I REALLY don't want to be a cow. September is looking to be quite a fearful month for me eating clean wise. Football Season (ROLL TIDE,)labor day weekend, my anniversary, and my birthday! I guess I have to look at it differently from now on. Actually I need to. I will have to make sacrifices. How about a little dessert NO dessert on my anniversary, but maybe some on my birthday? Idk. I can only take it a little at a time. I am really looking forward to September though. It is hands down my favorite month, and of course the reason being, it celebrates me! Tim and I got a new living room set already for our anniversary so I doubt I will be showered with gifts, but I do have a little something up my sleeves. I am HOPING for football tickets for my birthday! hint...hint... Roll Tide!

Monday Blues...

Oh my gosh! I CANNOT shake this headache. I have been in pain since Wednesday of last week and it doesn't seem to go away. It has transferred sides so hopefully that is a sign it is making it's way out. It has been extremely debilitating and to be honest it has really shut down my workout mojo. When the alarm went off this a.m I could hardly open my eyes it hurt so bad. I hit snooze and gave myself a few more hours to rest. I am actually really glad I went ahead and slept because that helped me get through work. Once I got home I decided that I needed to workout, that I could not let a headache that I have had for 5 days stop me from doing what I need to do. I did a rainy day workout from Bethany's blog, since I did not have time for Fit Camp, and after the first 5 mins I was no longer thinking about my headache. I even got some really nice back cracks that seemed to relieve the pressure in my head. I am a chronic sufferer of migraines and tension headaches, but I was hoping that eating clean would cure those. I cannot give up hope though that eating clean will cure those since they have already decreased substantially since starting the program. One thing I did catch today was that I was getting pretty liberal with my portion control. I have not been as strict on measuring things or adding in the additional veggies per meal. That will change tomorrow. I cannot let my progress be hindered by laziness or ignorance. I will keep straining ahead toward the prize. Week 2, day 1, one step closer to my happiness!

Week 1 Low Down...

1lb of Fat!

 

Here it is! The end of Week 1. I  lost 1lb and I am OK with that. I worked hard this week and I am proud. I tried a new strategy with planning, which worked great, and I changed my workout routine. 5:30am workouts will now be my thing along with yoga once a week. I overall have enjoyed this week. My head has been hurting the last few days, but yesterday marked the visit of my monthly friend, so I am certain that is the problem. Tim started Jujitsu again and he is loving it. His Saturday morning workouts will work out well for me because I will be able to take that time for myself. Once I get finished blogging I will finish cleaning and then I will start my workout for the day. After today I will have worked out 5 times this week. I am proud of that. I also want to spend some time today planning for next weeks meals! Overall it has been a good week!

 

 

 

Duke and Roxy...

Duke got in the good will pile...

Have you seen these babies?! I came home from work yesterday to find that they have escaped from the fence. :( By the time I got home Animal control was called so there was no way I could go pick them up. It has made me pretty sad. I am proud of myself that I did not give into emotional eating though. I did not even think about it.Yesterday was one whirl wind of a day and I am just ready to put this week behind me. Prayers are definitely needed. I have been good with me eating and exercising though so I can say it is not a complete bust. I had an acquaintance of mine yesterday going on and on about how stressed she was and all she wanted was a snickers. That caused my ears to go up because it made me see that in the world we live in now people, myself included, have fallen into the trap that food can substitute for ANYTHING. Ugh, what a disgusting thought! Today should be interesting... I will update you on the status of my sweet Duke and Roxy when I get off work. Ready to start this day...

See the picture above... I made it to yoga. Let's just say I am definitely not the best at yoga. I will go back next week and HOPE that I enjoy it then. Also, I got my sweet babies back from the "doggie jail" and after $120 we got them back and they are home. They did, however, come back pretty beat up. Roxy's poor pad's were ripped off and she hurt her hip really bad. We will give her the night to rest and if she does not show signs of improvement we will take her in to the puppy hospital. My poor heart is so broken for her. Duke has a pretty beat up leg, but he will be just fine. This week has been such a whirlwind and as I sit here resting with my cup of coffee I feel a little relaxed...maybe it was the yoga?! hummmm...namaste

Easy like Sunday Morning...

Once again it is safe to say I got up for 5:30am Fit Camp!! I got up yesterday but it was cancelled due to bad weather so I went ahead and rested. I have been itching to make a fritatta and as you can see above I did! It is full of veggies and protein and I am excited. After Fit Camp this morning I was extremely glad I made this. Having something like this ready made my life that much easier. I started my keurig, and while it was brewing, I popped this bad boy and a sweet potato (in a steam fresh bag) in the microwave, cut up half and avocado and by the time my coffee was done so was my breakfast. It took all about 4 minutes. That made my morning that much more enjoyable because I was able to SIT and enjoy my cup of coffee with a delicious breakfast. I am so used to running around frazzled in the mornings and it was so peaceful. I am a little nervous today about my eating. We have been stuck in meetings since yesterday, lunch included, and it is really hard to make good decisions when SOMEONE ELSE is ordering for you. Yesterday they did good, they ordered Roly Poly and I was able to enjoy a salad from there. Today, it is a completely different ball game, I have NO clue what is being ordered and I have NO clue if I can eat any of it. Mind you, I could have brought my lunch, but I was advised by my boss that was not a good idea as I would not have the opportunity to get it ready. One more day of meetings tomorrow...I may just bring my lunch just in case. Tim is really excited this week because he gets to return to his first love  favorite sport, Brazillian Jiu Jitzu. He has been dying to get back in and grapple. I am excited for him too, partially because he talks about missing it all the time which is a little annoying, and because I am happy he can enjoy another activity. He is pretty disciplined with his Body Building, but I think it is time for a little extra. He is getting a little burnt out. I am planning on trying a new yoga class at that time so it will be something new for me too. I am not a huge fan of yoga, to be honest I down right HATE yoga, but I felt that maybe for stress and flexibility I may give it another go. I can like yoga... I can like yoga... I can like yoga. Maybe I can like yoga?

Winners Never Quit

New start to biggest loser....new goals for biggest loser. My first goal was to attend the 5:30am Fit Camp Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. At 4:30 am I woke straight up out of my bed and forced myself to sleep the last 30 mins so that I would not be dragging as the day went on. When 5:00 came and that alarm went off it was a different story. I was not happy about seeing that number on my alarm clock. Maybe I should have just woken up at 4:30 when my body woke me up. Oh well. I got up and debated for about a minute and remembered my goal. Put on my shoes and headed out. "Winners never quit" I repeated to myself over and over...a little olympic spirit there...haha! Eyes were puffy and I was not so alert but I was doing it... I was completing a goal! GO ME! I made it through the workout and when I was done I was overjoyed that I was done with that for the day. I did not have to worry about rushing home to get ready for FC or going later and getting home late. I want to remember the joy that I felt this morning as I was sitting and drinking my coffee and not running around like crazy drinking my coffee. My eyes are a little heavy today, but I will get used to it, I am just excited to know that when 5pm comes I can go home and take a short nap. I also was pretty relaxed this morning because I was prepared this morning. I bought a 8x13 tupperware and I prepped all of my snacks for the week. I put everything in there and when I headed out the door I took it with me. That is going to save me time during the evenings and in the mornings when I am too tired in the evenings. Two great steps toward making this lifestyle work. Blogging will be an exciting part of this journey, once again, I will try to be more consistent to blog daily. I started looking at the new tools Bethany gave us for this go around and I am excited. One thing about me... I am not very disciplined...but I LOVE lists! If only my passion for planning with flow through to my doing. I am getting there though!! Small goals Meagan! Small goals! Well, I better get to work! I will blog later.

Blogging like it's hot...

Here we go again... Monday starts round 2 of Eating Clean. I am really glad to start over. These past couple of weeks have been really rough. My mindset has changed this time, rather than saying "I cannot win,"  my mentality is "I will win." I have to have that mindset to make sure I am giving it my all this time and getting back up each time I fall. No more wallowing in self pity or binges but really breaking through this food barrier. I am healthier, happier, and more focused when eating clean and I do not plan on falling back into the old lifestyle. This is my new lifestyle and I am eager to keep going on. I have changed some things slightly. My blog for instance will have a lot more posts, recipes I will be trying, and little exercise bits here and there. I have broken the program up in to 6 weeks so that I do not overwhelm myself with the thought of 12 weeks again. I killed it the first 6 weeks the last program and then it fell apart the following 6 weeks. I am trying anything I can to keep that focus. Saturdays will be my meal planning days and Sundays will be my prep days for the week. I AM going to make it to the 5:30am class of boot camp this first 6 weeks. There is no reason I cannot be disciplined and get up early. I have been asking everyone if they will be going to the 5:30am class just so that I can have some accountability to get there. We can do this!

It's been a while

I am so back to blogging. Life has been extremely crazy and to be honest I have not been impressed with my eating clean the past few weeks. Yesterday was the last day of the program, however, I was unable to be there because of a unplanned surprise dad trip. Here is the thing though...all of that aside I have really been struggling. With everything that went on I have really lost confidence in myself. I saw where food once again was becoming more and my desire to binge really came back. I am embarassed that I have this desire and so disappointed in myself. I am just so happy that I am doing the biggest loser again. I really need it for accountability and discipline. It drives me nuts that I have so much ability but I am always hanging on  the edge of failure. That damn perfectionism...it always ends in self pity. I am really glad though I started the clean eating process and no matter how many times you fall you have 6 times (meals) each day to make it better. I treated myself while we were in jacksonville this weekend and it did not feel right. I felt like I was rewarding myself with the things I wanted to get away from. I am over it. Clean eating will resume tomorrow with a clean slate. A new session of biggest loser starts back tomorrow too and I am excited. I have such a long way to go but I have to fight every step of the way. Discipline is so difficult to me...but I am getting closer. Wheat is leaving too, again, it just does not do anything good for me. So anyway...here is to another 12 weeks! I cannot wait. :)

Healing and Fitness

Today I am feeling empowered! I am feeling ready to get back in the swing of things and I am really excited to go back to fitcamp tonight. I feel like exercise will really help me get out of the mode I am in right now. Glad that the Lord offers healing and endurance and that  I can move past this. I have not struggled with over eating, perhaps more undereating, but I am ready to get back on track. I have been spending a lot of time outside with my husband and the youth boys at church. It always reminds me that I love being outside and active. I will say in all honesty though, I am a little nervous about heading back to bootcamp tonight. I am not sure why but I am. I am glad though that I have great encouragement and it reminds me why I am doing this in the first place. I want to feel better and be happier. I want to love myself and my body. Most of all I want to glorify God not only with my mind and heart, but with my body as well. I will get up and shake this off and move forward. " Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14 ESV. It has really stuck in my mind, what endurance really is, "to strain forward." It takes effort, tears, let downs, victories, bumps and bruises, joy and heartache. Is the goal really worth straining towards? Yes it is. All things worth fighting for are worth all the joys and pain that come with it. Rather than wollow in self pity I will cling to the cross and learn to love the person God has made me. I will be an effective tool not only spiritually but physically. Bethany's bikini fitcamp has been a valuable tool in my relationship with myself, my family and the Lord. I am forever greatful that I have been given this opportunity and time of healing.

Gotta get back into the swing of things...

Man! This week has been insanely hard. I have not been binge eating which is a huge successs with everything that is going and how stressful life has been. I haven't been able to workout like I would like but it will be ok. I want to get back into my daily workout schedules this weekend since I probably need to rest this week. Two weeks in a row I have had to take it easy and I am annoyed with that. I do not have much to  say as my focus has been on what is going on in my life over the program. I know it is not good but sometimes life gets in the way of what is best for you. I was able to take some time and rest yesterday at Lake Murray with Mamma Marie and Kevin. The food options were horrible but I really did my best. I did, however, allow myself a slice of cookie dough pie. It was good! I am glad to be back though and I am so ready for Tim to get home. This week has been so hard without him but I know he is doing wonderful things at student life camp. I love that he has such a passion for teaching and loving Jesus. What a wonderful man. I have only been at work since 12 but it sure has been the longest day of my life. Ready to get back into the swing of things.

What a week...

All I can really say is I am SO hormonal! UGH. It is the week before my period and I am DEFINETLY suffering from pms symptoms. I am extremely lethargic, bloated, irritable as all get our, and so tired! I have struggled with going to bootcamp this week. Partially because of my foot that I hurt and just pure exhaustion. I am not looking forward to the weigh in tomorrow as my body just feels SO bloated. I also messed up this week and I am so embarassed. I had some of my husband's fries and I could feel that emotional eating come back. A few meals later I was still battling the urge to eat out of boredom. I have finally moved past that and I am feeling better. I am disappointed but I am not going to let it wreck everything I have worked for. I had my first BC with Bethany this week and I cannot tell you how hard it was! She is intense!!! Also, yesterday at BC Mary had us run our mile and I ran it is 9:32!!! I was so excited. I wanted to make it in under 10 and that helped me get my confidence back. I am planning on bootcamp tonight and then we have the 5k tomorrow morning. It is supposed to be around 106 so I am a little nervous about that. We will see how it goes. I will update you on my weightloss tomorrow.

I did it...

I am SUPER excited to blog today because I lost 4lbs! It was over 2 weeks but with the slowww progress I am having I prayed, I worked, I ate, 4lbs. I kept telling myself that my goal was 4lbs and well I did it!!! I cannot believe it...I am so excited. It has gotten a lot easier to make these choices as the 5 weeks have gone on. Last night we went to outback and I was pretty proud because I was not even interested in the bread. My husband on the otherhand not only ate the loaf he was given but she brought him more. Lucky metabolism. I am just to excited to see that I got what I prayed for too! Exactly. What a good day...

How sweet it is...

Week 5 is in full force! Wahoo. I am moving forward and still really confident in the changes I am seeing in my body. I have treated myself 1 time and that was on Sunday. At the dangerfields they had ice cream, chips, potato salad, etc. You name it and it was there. I did well sticking to the cherries and veggie tray but I did reward myself with a bite of my husbands smore. I did not feel guilty because well I did not eat more than that. It allows me to feel that I can be trusted in situations like that. I still have a long way to go but I am getting closer to my goal day by day. We will have a weigh in this Saturday which I am anxious about it. My goal is 4lbs but I know that may be stretching it for me considering 1lb losses are my friend. If I lost 4 that would make my weight loss be around 8lbs in 5 weeks. Not too shabby. However, if I lose 2 that is ok to...I will just be a turtle in my weight loss. Yesterday I printed 6 copies of my vision board and posted them everywhere I would look in my house. I also printed out a portion size guideline. I think I may have been eating bigger portion sizes than I should. I am meeting my sweet friend Rose todayand we usually always get Mexican food. I asked her where she wanted to go...and of course... it is Mexican. I am pretty confident though that I will be fine. I just want to stay away from the chips and cheese dip. Yum! I am excited to see her though since she leaves Thursday and will be in Europe all summer. So lucky! She is pictured below:

I cannot believe that was almost 2 years ago! Man I was a lot heavier then. I love her though and I do wish her safe travels and a romantic relationship with a hot european. Fingers crossed. Well off to lunch I go!

Vision Board...

I did it. I completed my homework for this week. Above is my vision board for the next 8 weeks. I really had to take time and think about what is a goal and what can be measured. After much thought this week I put this together. I want to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and definetly spiritually these next 8 weeks. I feel like physically I cannot accomplish my goals if I am spiritually am out of wack. I am pretty excited about this. I need to start back up working on 5k running. I have not ran a 5k since April and I did stop then. I would love to have my next 5k be finished 100% by running and not resting. I also have warded off all cupcakes. I am trying to eat better and I have seen that cupcakes are the next "big thing" in the sweets department. I am warding those off! I also have a few bench marks I would like to meet. I would like to be able to do 40 pushups in a minute and hold the plank for 2 mins. I think I can do this... wait... I know I can do this! Tim and I are going to dinner and coffee tonight and I am really looking forwad to getting alone with him and have a date. He is such a wonderful man and I am so grateful that he pursued me and married me! :) I got a little off track with that...but he is pretty amazing! I also found a picture from before I started working out and eating right...see below!

I cannot believe that was me! It is really hard to look at that picture because I honestly did not know I was that big. It was a shock to me when I saw these pictures because I never saw myself that way. What a wake up call. I cannot believe I started this journey 3 years ago and have lost 30lbs to date. Last year I stayed the same weight and now I am really trying to lose the last 30lbs. My goal for these 12 weeks is 16 so we shall see how it goes. :)

This was me this past weekend...not the best angle and I was playing a shower game, but I look so much better than I did before and I am excited.

What a great journey so far! Progress may be slow but slow is still progress.

Here  are some more pictures:

As you can see the before pictures are from the same party... I obviously did not wany my pictures taken then!

Oh my weightloss...

Holy Cow! I have some fantastic news. I am so glad I purchased the wonderful chevron dress from The Purple Peacock Boutique! As shown above. I ordered it concerned that I would not fit in it and have to wait until I could wear it. I got the guts to try it on today and to my surprise it did not fit! It was too big! WAHOO! I knew it would be about a size small and boy was I wrong. I cannot believe it has not even been a month and the weight loss has been slow but I am seeing phenomenal results. It gave me extreme confidence and assurance that this is the right lifestyle change. This is not a diet but a complete overhaul of my previous food addiction and emotional eating. I have shown myself that I can do this and it can be easy. People are always looking for a quick fix and I was once there, but anything worth doing is worth doing well and worth fighting for, for the long haul. You cannot get skinny overnight just like you didn't get fat overnight. It takes time and energy. It takes getting your mind right and your heart right. I have always placed food as a high priority and not for fuel but for comfort. What a mistake. What can food do for you other than grant you fuel? It cannot comfort you when you are sad or stressed. It cannot stop one from being bored. Food is not ment to be up on a pedastool and should never be the place to turn in hard and happy times. I am learning that. I need to do other things and remember what eating clean has done for my body. I am no longer fighting headaches, stomach pain and bloating everyday. I am clean. My mental and emotional health have also benefited. How wonderful is that? I am able to associate my eating with pride and not shame and I never want to go back. Is a cupcake really worth it? I don't think so! I mean I have passed on cupcakes 4 times since I started the process. What a huge step forward. I am so happy to see where this takes me and this is just the beginning. :)

Holy Moly...

I was just thinking today...holy moly we are almost 1/3 of the way through the program. I am calling it a program not a contest now since my main focus is me and not on my "competition." I am still sticking to the diet hard and I am really excited to see where the scale will go. Today was a huge rush for me since, I had a meeting with a church about their insurance, and I was worried about getting adequate food and snacks prepared. I feel pretty confident I made it. I have made a habit of having scrambled eggs with veggies and a fruit every day for breakfast. I incorporated flax seeds again even though it really hurt my stomach before. I am trying to figure out if it even was the flax seeds that caused me so much trouble. So far so good. Bootcamp last night was INSANE...probably one of the hardest workouts yet. Jess really made sure to kick our butts over and over and over again. I am just glad I made it through. I have a little tension in my left shoulder today but that is to be expected with all we did yesterday. I am wondering what to do for lunch today. I will not be able to go home like usual and considering the crazy rush I was in this morning I feel unprepared. I HAVE to run by the bank on my lunch break because my atm card is missing so I know I wont have time to prepare lunch. I am looking around and thinking of doing barberitos for their guacamole salad of panera for their greek salad. YUM. I have taken out meat for lunches this week since it really bothers my stomach and the choices around me seem pretty limited, but oh well, I will get it figured out. I also have decided to go "black" with my coffee. I know the saying "once you go black you wont go back," but um... that will be a negative with coffee. I still cannot get used to the taste. I drink it though since I have IBS and it helps with my stomach. Boo! Lynn in our group is having everyone over next Monday and I am excited. It will be a great time to get together and enjoy a meal and fellowship. I have gotten to know a few girls but it will be nice to get to know more. :)

I posted this picture on the Biggest Loser page because it was great motivation for me. Since the program is 12 weeks I felt it was more than appropriate to keep going. I am going to add this to my "vision board" that is our homework this week. It has been pretty eye opening thinking of what I want on my vision board. I don't have many goals with the program and I feel that needs to change. My only goal really is to lose 16 lbs and get my eating under control. I feel the process of switching foods has been so wonderful for my body that seems like a prize enough. I am still pushing through though. This will be week 3 of my "no wheat" and I am almost finished with "Wheat Belly." I am pretty certain that is not going in my body again. I guess it helps now that I am getting tested for celiac disease. I read the chapter on that and I was like "have that, that, that and that." What a change taking 1 thing out of your diet can make! I am excited to the world of food I am now exposed to. I noticed my allergies have also been better! wahooo! Go me!

So hungry

So this weekend has been CRAZY! Yesterday was the shower and it is now over. My house still has chairs all over, decorations falling down, and I am sooo exhausted. I weighed yesterday and lost 0lbs. I stayed exactly the same, but I was ok with that. With being on my period a no loss but no gain is ok with me. At the shower I did pretty good. I had one cream cheese salsa dip that was my downfall. I did not go crazy but I definetly did not need it. I hated that literally I had NO time to eat at all until that shower and the only thing I could eat was raw veggies because the fruit bowl had melon in it. I wish I could have eaten it but oh well. When everyone finally left and Linsey and I settled down it was 7:30 and I was starving. Linsey and I had a wonderful time just chatting and ended up going to Takosushi, my favorite, and we had some edemame and I had a philadelphia roll and we split another. I felt so horrible by not having all the wonderful vegetables I have grown accustomed to. I felt that made my day a failure. Today was not any better. I woke up a little late and had to be at church for praise band practice by 8:15 so breakfast was on the run. When we got to sunday school class, once again, I was starving and there was NOTHING I could eat. I did end up getting 3 baby quiches and took the crust off. Still hungry. After church we went to Ruth's as a group and let's just say that will be the last time I eat there. I ended up having hamburger with onions, collards, and a side salad. I stayed away from all of the wonderful things I did want...but it turns out Tim said it was not good for him either. I came home and took a nap and made sure I got up and had something packed with veggies so I ate a leftover salad. Still hungry. I am waiting on tim to get back so I can figure out the schedule for tonight but I am kind of tired that every Sunday I am tempted (3 times) to eat crap. We have fellowship tonight and I asked Erin what she was providing and let's just say none of it I can eat. So discouraging. I have two weeks to really see a change on the scale but today was the hardest day so far. I felt like cheating so many times...ugh! I have decided to give up creamer and sugar in my coffee for this week and day 1 it is not so good. We shall see how it goes. I am off to try to make something for dinner.

Oh My Lanta...

So it is 10am and I feel like I have already put in a full days worth of work. Last night it was unbearably hot in the house so I went and checked on my AC annnnd it was broken. :(  I tried so hard to sleep but that did not happen until early morning. Then I overslept...ugh...missed bootcamp and had to eat breakfast on the run. So as I am grabbing all of my stuff to head on out I try to walk out the door...it is stuck...so I tried to unlock it...still stuck...ugh!!! What the heck kind of day is this turning out to be? Oh well. Usually I would say on a day like this, screw this, and everything I needed to complete today. That would mean, eating what I wanted, not giving 100% at work, not cooking and MOST DEFINETLY not working out. That has all changed now. Rather than going into crisis mode I have decided that I just need to take a deep breath and call the locksmith to unlock the door and I can get the HVAC guy to come. Crisis averted. WHEW! I am a little concerned still about my weigh in tomorrow. I have not eaten poorly but I am on my period so I am nervous at how it will affect me. I hope I am not discouraged again. I just need to take a few deep breaths and move forward. Today is going by increadibly slow but I guess that gives me time to get me "to do" list done so things will move right along when I get home. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband off today who is going to take care of the kitchen! whew!

Day 16...

Here we are! Day 16!! I cannot believe it has been 16 whole days of clean eating. Other than a killer stomach ache from something I ate at a buffett (nothing that seemed bad...ie chicken?) on Sunday I have done a great job! I am so proud. I did not realize the temptations I am faced with each day. Come Saturday it will be the 3rd time in 3 weeks I will be tempted with cupcakes. How many times was I tempted with cupcakes before and did not think a thing about it? That is something that makes me cringe a little inside. This lifestyle change is not really hard and I am enjoying it. This week hs probably been the roughest thus far because I started my period...eew...and I am so focused on getting the shower ready for Saturday. I went home yesterday and started the deep cleaning process that will take a few days. I grabbed hold of the living room yesterday and cleaned it from top to bottom...literally. It took me FOREVER to vaccuum the couch but I am glad that is done. I also started the dining room. I will just need to vaccuum that and the entry way today. Tomorrow I am planning on tackling the downstairs bathroom and the stairs. That will leave just the kitchen which will need some major head to toe cleaning to make sure there is no trace of the doggies. I feel a little stressed over my eating probably because I am hungry but I don't want to eat. I am not trying to starve myself or anything but when  I am on my period that is the last thing I want to worry about. I have also struggled a little with my water intake the last two days. I think I am going to need to set a timer on my phone and make sure I drink a cup each time it goes off. All in all though it still has been an amazingly wonderful process. I look forward to seeing the scale this week. I am a little anxious as I am on my period but no worries. Since it rained yesterday and class was cancelled i did the at home Rainy Day workout...and lets just be honest that sucked BIG time! Bethany sure knows how to kill your body; in a good way.  She really has been an absolute pleasure as well as Tracy. I felt really comfortable at Saturday's meeting just hearing Tracy's story and seeing the triump she has had over her past weight issues. That sure is inspiring. I also read a blog post from one of the girls in the group...Natalie. It was great to hear her experiences with the biggest loser thus far. I have enjoyed getting to know the girls and I feel that the two I have connected with the most thus far are Natalie and Ashley. They really are sweet wonderful ladies and I look forward to the rest of the journey with them. I cannot believe we are already on week 3! WOW. I keep hearing that people will start to taper off but our group still seems to be going strong. There is a lot of competition and I love competition. I find my success is just taking it day by day, meal by meal, temptation by temptation! I am in it for more than just  at the end. I am in it for THE prize, which is a more confident and happy me! Tim is also a wonderful encouragement. He gets so proud of me eating clean that he just sweeps me up and hugs me tight. It is actually a really wonderful feeling knowing he cares so much about me being healthy. I love that man! I am still concerned about Saturday...considering I have given the food over to someone else. The only great thing is that I will be at my house so I can just eat things that I have. :)


I just realized that I did not post my loss from last week! 3lbs...finally! I was so excited and so proud. In 11 days 4lbs lost...that is pretty dang sweet! ;)

Delightful Bites Bakery...

What a day! Work has been pretty low key today considering I am the only one in my department and my computer was attacked by a trojan! Ugh...pretty stressful but still not the worst day I have had. I could have killed someone yesterday. I killed a decent amount of my time today getting Linsey's baby shower decorations together. I have the flowers ordered, the balloons ordered, the cupcakes ordered, invitations sent, and the monogrammed pails are in process as we speak. I still have to finish up painting the birdhouse and get the banner but I am seeing the end of the tunnel. My vision is coming to light. I have started rearranging my furniture and adding the vases for my 20 stems of Hydrangea's and my 3 dozen pink Roses spread around the house. I even put the satin table cloths down and have hung the chinese lanterns around the room. Pink is everywhere and I L.O.V.E. it! I also have the Anderson's shower finalized for Sunday!! WAHOO! So, as I was sitting the basking in my pure party planning awesomeness this MASSIVE box comes in my office. I was not expecting a massive box so I tore in to that thing like it was Christmas. I opened it up and it was completely full of goodies from one of my companies that I just signed on with! I wish that company knew I was finished with such goodies. Temptation was only there slightly as I handed out the cookies to everyone that would take them. Satisfaction came over me...one small victory today! WAHOO! So I get back to work and remembered today is one of my co-workers birthday's and we always to fabulous cupcakes from Neopolitian or Delightful Bites bakery. I quickly put it in my head that it is just a cupcake and I don't need it. I then got a call from my boss that said it was my day to get the cupcakes...KILL ME... so after lunch I trotted over to my favorite cupcake place and the smell overtook me! All of these cupcake flavors and I was supposed to pick a dozen. Torture. I picked the chocolatiest and most delightful cupcakes I could find...why because I torture myself. I then drived back, my car smelling like delicious cupcakes, and I drop them off and forget about them...for an hour. We then had to congregate and I not only had to hand each person the cupcake of their choice, but as tradition would have it, I had to sit there and spend adequate birthday time watching them eat their cupcakes. I DID NOT HAVE EVEN ONE BITE and you know what... I was ok. The temptation was there a little saying "just one bite" but I didn't! So I would say so far BIG HUGE SUCCESSES FOR ME TODAY! I am so proud.

How quickly things click...this time

So it is day 10 and I have may days to go, but I am LOVING this new lifestyle. I have gone 10 whole days...no cheating! Also, no desire to cheat....which is strange for me. I have heard time and time again that one day someone started a new eating lifestyle and it just "clicked." Well for the first time I can actually say this time I am that person. I am also loving the punishment that is called Bootcamp. I went three times last week and did homework excercises two times. I went today and it was hot, tiring, and satisfying! So glad I made it through. I am planning on going tomorrow for Cardio Bootcamp and Friday morning for strength. We weigh in on Saturday and I am looking or should I say hoping for a good loss this week. I have read a little of "wheat belly" and it has been interesting. I still have a ways to go in that book too but one page at a time. :)

Devistation and Determination

So today was the day...the weigh in! I have been working really hard to watch my eating and I can honestly say I feel a lot better this week than I have in a while. My body woke me up at 6am today... I was surprised too! I told myself to get a little more shut eye. Around 7, I woke up and just sat alone for a while and it was pretty wonderful. I was eager, thinking about that scale, fantasizing about how much weight I have lost. I went and got my first Bountiful Basket today and MAN I am so happy we chose to do that. Supporting our local farmers and getting way more bang for our buck at the same time. I was pleased. Then I headed over to the meeting. Still excited and nervous I walked in and waited in line. The line seemed to be long, but short at the same time. As I got closer my heart started beating faster. This is the FIRST time in my life that I did not obsess over the scale. It was my turn, I got on the scale, looked down and was shocked. Not in a good way. I only lost 1lb. 1lb.  I knew my eyes starting welling up, but i kept telling myself DO NOT CRY! This is silly. You lost weight that is wonderful. However, my whole body just felt defeated. I did not cheat ONE TIME. I ate as clean as they come...how is it only 1lb? Usually this is the time when I would go into a self destruction mode and wallow in my self pity and food.That is a big part of my problem... I am insanely competitive and a prefectionist and if I feel that I did not do the best that I can, I failed. There it is. I felt like I failed. I felt liek a failure. It felt good talking to Bethany afterwards where she made me realize that 1lb is still a loss and I did that in 6 days. I cannot focus on what others do. This is about me and changing my life. So I can honestly say.... I am ok with the 1lb...actually I am excited. I feel better than I ever have before in my life and that is worth it. I am worth it.

It's Friday...

It is finally Friday! What a stressful week. I am proud to say, however, that I have not cheated ONCE with my clean eating!!! I am super excited because this is the first time I can truly say that. I have also worked out so far every day!
Monday: Bootcamp assessment
Tuesday: walk 2 miles (hills: neighborhood=death)
Wednesday: Bootcamp
Thursday: Cardio Bootcamp

I am planning on going to the 6pm bootcamp tonight since I will not be going to bootcamp in the morning. I have signed up for bounteful baskets and the pick up is the same time as bootcamp. Also, I weigh in at 9am tomorrow so I don't want to be puffy! I am a little anxious about the weigh in because I have not even looked at the scale. I am not sure what is realistic. I am hoping for 2lbs but we shall see. Also, Tim and I are doing our weekly cooking together tonight so we are looking for some clean eating options that are also DELICIOUS! I will let you know what we choose. My food this week has been as follows:

Monday: 2 hardboiled eggs, 1/2c steel cut oats, raspberries & green tea (breakfast), celery and carrots 1 tbsp natural peanut butter (snack am),  salad (romaine, carrots, celery, tomato & olives) with tuna ( 1tsp light greek yogurt, 1tsp dill relish, and a lot of mustard) (lunch), Apple & Greek Yogurt (snack-pm) , herb crusted porkloin, roasted broccoli with olive oil and garlic, side salad (romaine, carrots, celery, olives, and baby tomatoes) (Dinner)

Tuesday: 2 hard boiled egg whites, 1/2c oatmeal (breakfast), Celery carrots and natural pb (snack am)5oz chicken, 1tsp EVOO, 1/4c quinoa, 1 c broccoli (lunch) grapes, vanilla greek yogurt (pm snack), Red beans and sausage (1/2c kidney beans, 2oz turk sausage) 1c cabbage with red pepper flakes and onion, side salad (romaine, tomatoes, peppers and katamala olives) (dinner)

Wednesday: 2 eggs scrambled with veggies (peppers onions garlic mushrooms tomato) 1/4 c steel cut oats with berries (breakfast),  2 hard boiled egg whites celery and carrots (am snack), 5oz grilled chicken in 1 tsp evoo, 1/4c quinoa, 1c cabbage (lunch) greek vanilla yogurt & apple (pm snack) Romaine topped with black beans, peppers, onions, avocado, tomato, jalapeno, 3oz chicken breast (dinner)

Thursday: 1 slice Ezekiel bread, 1tbsp natural pb, raspberries, coffee with splash of half and half (breakfast), 1/2 sweet potato & 2 hardboiled egg whites (am snack), 1.2c blackbeans, 4oz chicken, tomatoes, olives, onions and 1/2 avocado topped with siracha (lunch), vanilla greek yogurt & peach (pm snack) stuffed chicken (spinach, garlic, katamala olives, pinch of cheese) topped with mushrooms, 1c spinach topped with siracha, and baby tomatoes

Friday: Breakfast: 1/2c oats with blueberries, raspberries, and almonds and a carrot (breakfast), celery, carrots, 2 hard boiled egg whites (am snack)

This has been my week so far and I am pretty proud of it. Like I said though pretty anxious about tomorrow. I have been stalking the page to see what everyone else is eating because it is like watching your competition. I feel more awake and like I have more energy but I will have a long way to go. Oh and I overcame temptation hard yesterday, my body wanted crap and I said no, and when Tim got McDonalds I went upstairs so I would not even get tempted! Go me!! Here is to the first 5 days though! I can do it.  I will let you know when I weigh in tomorrow! :)

Back in the swing of things...

I cannot believe how long ago my last blog post was. I have been struggling for over a year now with this "fitness journey." I have had so many ups and downs, mainly downs, but I am back and really mentally focused. It seems that I have been struggling so much with the mental and emotional aspect. I let thoughts like "you are not worth this" or "you cannot do this" get to me and they win. Well, not anymore, I am taking charge. I have joined another "Biggest Loser" program, this time with the intentions of not quitting and making a life style change. The biggest change will be eating. This program focuses on eating and this is what I need. It is sponsered by Bethany's Bikini Bootcamp and it is a 12 week program focused on Clean Eating. We had our first meeting on Saturday where we measured in, weighed, got our "before" pictures taken and talked about the program. We had to start reading Tosca Reno's book "The Eat Clean Diet" and I have enjoyed it. I weighed in at 165.8 and I am unsure of my measurements. I will weight in again on Saturday and I am not wanting to weigh in until then. I want to be focused with no pitfalls. I told myself... you can do this...start off this week and make it happen. I have incorporated foods in my diet that I used to hate... i.e boiled eggs and I have also incorporated new things like steal cut oats, quionoa, etc. I am on day two of the eating and I am loving it! I feel energized and in control. I am not hungry either...just focused. I also started back with Bethany's Bikini Bootcamp. It will be a 6 week program and I had my first evaluation yesterday. We were evaluated on 3 things: pushups, plank, and mile:

Pushups (in 60 seconds): 35
Plank: 41 secs
Mile: 11:10

I definetly have areas to improve but I am doing pretty good thus far. I have really enjoyed Bethany's support as well. I feel like a child when I post my food for the day and she "likes" it on facebook. That has REALLY been something good for me. I enjoy the posting because I can see where I am and I can be held accountable. POST POST POST all food. That is my goal...to not be ashamed of what I eat and be satisfied. For once. Tim is also being pretty supportive. He has always encouraged me in my weight loss and I think the emotional toll it takes on me also stresses him out. I want to feel sexy and worth it. I want to be proud of my fitness and eating routines. I will get there. I will be ready and I will be wearing a bikini on our Anniversary. So, for the next 12 weeks I will be posting anywhere and everywhere. Hopefully this will help with my food allergies. I have been itching on my elbows for over a month now (right before I got my wisdom teeth out) and I am hoping that I can get over that as well. Also, it will be a way to find better things to eat for my stomach and let others in on the not so secret "NO FAD DIETS" and just clean eating.