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Sunday, August 12, 2012

It's been a while

I am so back to blogging. Life has been extremely crazy and to be honest I have not been impressed with my eating clean the past few weeks. Yesterday was the last day of the program, however, I was unable to be there because of a unplanned surprise dad trip. Here is the thing though...all of that aside I have really been struggling. With everything that went on I have really lost confidence in myself. I saw where food once again was becoming more and my desire to binge really came back. I am embarassed that I have this desire and so disappointed in myself. I am just so happy that I am doing the biggest loser again. I really need it for accountability and discipline. It drives me nuts that I have so much ability but I am always hanging on  the edge of failure. That damn perfectionism...it always ends in self pity. I am really glad though I started the clean eating process and no matter how many times you fall you have 6 times (meals) each day to make it better. I treated myself while we were in jacksonville this weekend and it did not feel right. I felt like I was rewarding myself with the things I wanted to get away from. I am over it. Clean eating will resume tomorrow with a clean slate. A new session of biggest loser starts back tomorrow too and I am excited. I have such a long way to go but I have to fight every step of the way. Discipline is so difficult to me...but I am getting closer. Wheat is leaving too, again, it just does not do anything good for me. So anyway...here is to another 12 weeks! I cannot wait. :)

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