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Saturday, May 26, 2012

Devistation and Determination

So today was the day...the weigh in! I have been working really hard to watch my eating and I can honestly say I feel a lot better this week than I have in a while. My body woke me up at 6am today... I was surprised too! I told myself to get a little more shut eye. Around 7, I woke up and just sat alone for a while and it was pretty wonderful. I was eager, thinking about that scale, fantasizing about how much weight I have lost. I went and got my first Bountiful Basket today and MAN I am so happy we chose to do that. Supporting our local farmers and getting way more bang for our buck at the same time. I was pleased. Then I headed over to the meeting. Still excited and nervous I walked in and waited in line. The line seemed to be long, but short at the same time. As I got closer my heart started beating faster. This is the FIRST time in my life that I did not obsess over the scale. It was my turn, I got on the scale, looked down and was shocked. Not in a good way. I only lost 1lb. 1lb.  I knew my eyes starting welling up, but i kept telling myself DO NOT CRY! This is silly. You lost weight that is wonderful. However, my whole body just felt defeated. I did not cheat ONE TIME. I ate as clean as they come...how is it only 1lb? Usually this is the time when I would go into a self destruction mode and wallow in my self pity and food.That is a big part of my problem... I am insanely competitive and a prefectionist and if I feel that I did not do the best that I can, I failed. There it is. I felt like I failed. I felt liek a failure. It felt good talking to Bethany afterwards where she made me realize that 1lb is still a loss and I did that in 6 days. I cannot focus on what others do. This is about me and changing my life. So I can honestly say.... I am ok with the 1lb...actually I am excited. I feel better than I ever have before in my life and that is worth it. I am worth it.


  1. I was so happy I got to chat with you this morning. You are a doll!! Way to go on making it through this week without any cheating, as well as not falling into self destruction mode. You can count on me to be here cheering you on Meagan!!

  2. Thanks for sharing your story! Great job this is your journey, no matter what you lose..be proud!