Saturday, May 26, 2012
Devistation and Determination
So today was the day...the weigh in! I have been working really hard to watch my eating and I can honestly say I feel a lot better this week than I have in a while. My body woke me up at 6am today... I was surprised too! I told myself to get a little more shut eye. Around 7, I woke up and just sat alone for a while and it was pretty wonderful. I was eager, thinking about that scale, fantasizing about how much weight I have lost. I went and got my first Bountiful Basket today and MAN I am so happy we chose to do that. Supporting our local farmers and getting way more bang for our buck at the same time. I was pleased. Then I headed over to the meeting. Still excited and nervous I walked in and waited in line. The line seemed to be long, but short at the same time. As I got closer my heart started beating faster. This is the FIRST time in my life that I did not obsess over the scale. It was my turn, I got on the scale, looked down and was shocked. Not in a good way. I only lost 1lb. 1lb. I knew my eyes starting welling up, but i kept telling myself DO NOT CRY! This is silly. You lost weight that is wonderful. However, my whole body just felt defeated. I did not cheat ONE TIME. I ate as clean as they come...how is it only 1lb? Usually this is the time when I would go into a self destruction mode and wallow in my self pity and food.That is a big part of my problem... I am insanely competitive and a prefectionist and if I feel that I did not do the best that I can, I failed. There it is. I felt like I failed. I felt liek a failure. It felt good talking to Bethany afterwards where she made me realize that 1lb is still a loss and I did that in 6 days. I cannot focus on what others do. This is about me and changing my life. So I can honestly say.... I am ok with the 1lb...actually I am excited. I feel better than I ever have before in my life and that is worth it. I am worth it.